The Noble and Most Ancient House of Weasley
by punned
Summary: If the Sorting Hat even had a head, it would have a headache. A headache spanning several decades.


**Title: **The Noble and Most Ancient House of Weasley

**Summary: **If the Sorting Hat even had a head, it would have a headache. A headache spanning several decades.

**Rating: **PG

**Author's Notes: **No, I don't own Harry Potter, yes, it would be nice to, and I would love you forever and ever if you left a review. Stereotypical enough for you?

Enjoy!

--------

_Nice hair._

"Thanks. Mum cut it, but it grew back overnight. It was my first sign of magic, 'cause I was a bit of a late bloomer, and she got so teary over it that she never got around to re-trimming it."

_A Weasley, eh?_

"You know it. I'm the first, but definitely not the last."

_Well, I know just where to put you._

"Y'know, Dad said that you said the same thing--"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

------

"Hey, Hat, before you sort me, I have a question."

_Not at all nervous about being sorted, then?_

"Why should I be? I mean, there hasn't been a Weasley in any house but Gryffindor since Hogwarts was formed, and Patrick Theodore Weasley went into Gryffindor anyway. A Weasley in any house but Gryffindor would make the very foundations of Hogwarts crumble into dust and ruin, and we can't be having that."

_Very poetic._

"Thank you."

_Ask away. It's not like I've anything better to do, except maybe sort about a hundred other students._

"Well, then I'll keep it short. Why isn't there a dragon as a House mascot? And why aren't there any dragons in the Forbidden Forest? And why is owning a dragon illegal, anyway?"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

------

_You can't possibly be serious._

"Actually, I've rather a reputation for doing just that."

_I wasn't talking about you, boy. How many Weasleys are on the way? There's already three of you._

"I think I'll just leave it to you to find out."

_Want to go to Slytherin, you cheeky lad?_

"Fine, fine. No need to get snippy. There's the twins, Ron, and Ginny, so far. Happy?"

_You Weasleys. Tell your mother to keep the breeding down. There's only so many of your clan that a wizarding school can hold, even if it _is _Hogwarts. _

"I _won't_ tell Mum that, if you tell me where I can find out about how you were made."

_Try _Hogwarts: A History.

_"_And you don't think I've already read that? Just because I'm going into Gryffindor doesn't mean I can't read, you know."

_You _really_ want to go to Slytherin, don't you?_

"Not particularly, if you don't mind."

_Well, then keep your gob shut and ask the librarian. That's what she's there for._

"That's what I intend to do, thank you very much. Thank you again for your oh-so-helpful information."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

---------

"Phoar. A talking hat!"

_Don't tell me that your parents didn't already tell you about me._

"Well, they did, but I didn't believe them. I figured that they were trying to get me to take the mickey because I had just turned the table into a horde of stampeding djinni."

_Did you, really?_

"Actually, it was Fred, but don't tell him I said that."

_Fascinating._

"I suppose a hat wouldn't really have much interest in us lowly students, huh?"

_Just be quiet long enough so that I can get rid of you._

"You really don't want to know how many people have said that about me."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

--------

"Phoar! A--"

_Talking hat._

"You can read _minds_?"

_Only ones that have identical twin brothers._

"I _knew_ I should've gone first."

_He knows that you were the one who changed the table._

"Hah! I _knew_ it! Wait...which time?"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

--------

"Y'know, you aren't a troll, after all."

_Hats don't normally share appearances with trolls, no._

"That's the last time I believe something Fred and George tell me."

_For some reason, I rather doubt it._

_"_Thanks loads."

_Well, I know just where to put you._

"Y'know, Bill said that you said the same thing--"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

-------

_Now, that's odd. A shy Weasley._

_Well, come on now, say something._

" 'm not shy. 'm just..."

_What?_

"Fred'nGeorgesaidyouwouldsuckoutmybrains."

_It's lucky that your family's lineage doesn't rest in Ravenclaw._

"Hey!"

_There we go. The typical Weasley spark surfaces._

"Nice to know I was expected."

_Believe me, I expect several more._

"Actually, I'm the youngest."

_I haven't been this happy since that McGonagall woman was accused of using me as a sandbox._

"_What_?"

"GRYFFINDOR!"


End file.
